Here’s the thing. This blog is sort of turning into ‘let’s all listen to The Katherine complain about how hard her life is with all these opportunities, and how she doesn’t know what she’s going to do with her life, and oh, woe is me’…Trust me, I know my life is not that hard. I don’t have to worry about money (I do anyways), or food (new realization- I love mangos!), but all that means is that I can spend more time worrying about less important things.
I was on Pinterest the other day (this is the first sign, right here), and I came across this quote:
Do more of what makes you awesome.
And I thought to myself, ‘aw, that’s kind of cute. I like it. It makes sense, too, because what makes you awesome should make you happy too! Wait….’
And I thought about it. I gave it a long, hard think, and I realized- I don’t know what makes me awesome. I was very concerned with this fact- there are so many things that I do, and I didn’t know which one to pick out of the pile as the one that made me awesome, so I texted my mom. After a brief discussion about what makes her awesome, She told me that I’m awesome at being her daughter. Sweet, but not the thing I’d have picked out of the pile.
So I texted my sister. She said that what made her awesome was making things out of chocolate. She’s quite good at it, but I still feel that she was not grasping the concept. There are a lot of things that make her more awesome than her job at the Chocolate Shop. Like how imaginative her art is, or how she drives herself to her own conclusions in an argument before you can even wrap your head around the direction she’s going. Or the way she tells stories about our shared book experiences. She said what made me awesome was yarn- which I would not have chosen, but she also said, since I was a Klebenow, that I was automatically awesome.
The question is not how awesome I am, it’s what makes that so.
I asked the Boy- and his interpretation of the quote was that one cannot determine what makes oneself awesome- that awesomeness is a perceived trait, and it is therefore dictated by the people around you. I see the merit in that argument, and yet a part of me still disagrees. Awesomeness should be just as much about what I think of myself as it is what other people think of me.
The problem I think I’m having is that my awesomeness is such a gathering of little things- it’s not just one thing, like sewing or knitting. It’s a gathering of all the things that I do, of all the things I have ever done, that warrant my attention, care, and love- and the attention, care, and love of the people who happen to be paying attention at the time. Near as I can tell, doing more of what makes me awesome is the equivalent of doing more anything. Maybe some things are more productive than other things, but the important part is that all of that makes up some part of me. Whether I’m still learning how to be awesome at a particular thing, or just continuing along a path I already know and love, I’m awesome- and the thing I’m doing is awesome.
Sorry- that probably came off as really conceited and self-inflating. In all reality, you have no idea the amount of time I spent in crisis concerning the meaning of those few words as they pertained to my existence before I drew that conclusion.
So here are some things that have been going on, lately:
The nails on my left hand look like something out of a stereotypical, idealized women’s magazine:
While the nails on my right are cracked, bleeding, and broken. This is the life of an art student. It does not warrant a picture.
I’ve been working on beading the Flapper dress- although my next post will be about this in more detail, as there is a lot to talk about, here’s a bit of a teaser so you know what to look forward to:
I’ve made the rather stunning discovery that I may possibly be a tea drinker (specifically of the ‘english breakfast’ variety)- but, with my very special coffee cup deemed not quite right for Earl Gray, I’m now in the market for a suitable teacup. with a saucer, preferably.
I’ve also realized that, regardless of my plans for my education after I graduate from Truman, I am going to need some sort of way to generate income (at this point, please recall previous conversations about the number of ways this can happen, and my difficulty choosing between them)…My top few right now are to keep the etsy store running with a passion (always), and to figure out a way to get a bit of web design work on the side. Provided my living space has a suitable studio area, the former would not be difficult to achieve. Provided my budget allows for the purchase of a new computer post-graduation, the latter would not be difficult either. Regardless, this warrants a fair bit of thought, and can be seen, at least in my mind, as separate from the conversation of my potential career paths.
Now then, you’re probably wondering what the second crisis is. I did mention two, in the title.
I find myself, once again, drawn to the internal argument of what to do once Truman ceremoniously kicks me out. It has occurred to me, and this is not the first time, that what I’m doing is perhaps not the only very important question to be asking myself- another is where I plan to be doing it. I feel as though the climate of one’s living environment should be seriously taken into account regardless of the person, but it’s especially important to me, because I have certain requirements. I am also helplessly awed by a particular kind of weather, and it makes for a generally much more pleasant existence. There’s also the fact that the mere thought of driving around in a large city gets my heart rate up-things have to be put into adequate consideration. I’d very much like to visit some places before I settle down more permanently- already having determined that Colorado is the most beautiful place I’ve ever set foot in, and the possibility exists that the next time I am there, I will refuse to leave.
I would like to visit California, though, and Washington, and Michigan is lovely in the fall. What do each of these places have to offer? Maybe there’s more than one way to look at the monstrously intimidating mountain that is Grad School Research. I can just knock Florida right off the list; give a swift kick to midwestern humidity, and move on from there. It’s just something I’ve been knocking around in my head.
I wonder if this is something people do- considering the where in proportion to the what. Maybe I’m alone in thinking that the place a person lives is important, but maybe it’s just that nobody’s ever told me to consider it this way. It seems a rather novel idea.